If You Are An Abuse Survivor at HAI

A staggering statistic has emerged in my efforts to educate the team and ask for support from both team and the participants in my workshops:

1) While not a single team-member responded to my e-mail offering help or with an interest in facilitating change at HAI, one team-member wrote back sharing her story of PTSD from her time on team.
2) While not a single participant wrote expressing an interest in challenging HAI to be safer or offering support, a psychotherapist called me asking to tell her story of losing her capacity to professionally help abused children as a result of her time with HAI. She lost her ability to work, help others and was in so much grief years later that she burst into tears while leaving me a first phone message.

I suspect, given the unprecedented steps that the facilitator body and board have taken to cut off my e-mail accounts, ask me to keep this secret, ask me to sign a contract keeping this secret and suing me to shut this website down through a European court (that is "into-me-you-see" for you), that this is scratching the surface of the amount of pain, grief, trauma and betrayal of the team and participants associated with HAI. The reason this is important to protest is because at some point in the denial process willful ignorance becomes criminal negligence and a committed pattern of abuse in which victims are silenced to avoid changing the power-structure and protocols that directly correlate to the abuse.

If you want to be heard, if you want to participate in pursuit of a goal in which HAI adopts best ethical protocols or shuts down to avoid hurting more people, you can do so here. Please be aware that I am making a documentary about sexual abuse in America, traumatic abuse and therapeutic abuse and ignorance. All information gathered in my process of bringing these patterns to light will be featured in the documentary, though I am happy to work with you to avoid unnecessary exposure, given our culture's pattern of shaming/blaming abuse survivors to off-set our cultural shame and guilt for failing to respond, decade after decade, to a problem that affects 25% of Americans who are participants in sexual abuse in a culture that shame's them with taboos of silence and invisibility.
I am a:

HAI intern Hai Assistant Hai Board Member Recent Participant Facilitator
I was a:

HAI intern Hai Assistant HAI Board Member Participant Facilitator
Attached is an audio recording about my experience:

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Cancel of
Attached is a link to a video recording about my experience:

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Cancel of
The symptoms of pain, imbalance and/or trauma I have experienced as a result of my interactions at HAI include:

Heightened anxiety for more than a month. Recurring involuntary re-living of the wound for more than a month. Less able to trust others in intimate relationships. Increased feelings of shame ("somehow it was my fault"). Increased levels of explosiveness emotionally and/or physically. Confusion about why I was feeling so bad. An experience that my story was not owned, asked about or welcome in the community. I contacted a team-member, a HAI facilitator or a board-member and was not directed to or offered effective support for my trauma. I was blamed implicitly or directly for feeling the way I did. I thought that something was wrong with me that I felt the way I did. I became more isolated for more than a month after the abuse. I do not feel safe to attend a community event. Something illegal occurred in my interactions with HAI. A team-member broke their agreements and escalated a romantic relationship within the cooling off-period after a workshop. A facilitator expressed sexual interest in me in a way that led me to feel less safe. I did not know that the facilitators were unlicensed to do the work they do one-on-one. I found myself doing destructive behavior compulsively at escalated levels for more than a month after my experiences. I have gained weight by eating to stop the emotions that came up from the experiences at HAI. I did work one-on-one with a facilitator for money outside of workshop. I have experienced a message at HAI that: "You do not matter."
A team-member lied to me:
A facilitator lied to me:
I tried to bring up something that seemed wrong to me and was told by a facilitator that this was "your stuff." I was not offered an apology for harmful impact by a team-member or facilitator. I wrote to the facilitators or board and much or all of what I wrote was ignored. A facilitator took money to facilitate a psychedelic experience.
I lost large amounts of self-confidence after my abuse at HAI for more than a month:
I estimate that the therapy, coping mechanisms, lost work and more associated with my trauma cost me $
Other:
The following evidence corroborates my story:

One or more witnesses. Conversations with friends at the time. Phone recordings. Audio or video recordings. E-mails. Receipts or cashed checks.
Other:
What kind of support do you believe would most help you get back to a healthy-set point where you understand that it is not and was not your fault, feel kind towards yourself for stepping forward to help others, and are able to function in daily life:
Money for:
A person who can interact with you in this way:
A community that can validate you in this way:
Someone telling you this:
Therapy to release frozen and dissociated memories in my body such as:
I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP):

Don't know Yes No
I just took the 5 minute test and found out:
Which of the following have you done if any to respond to the situation:

I have read: The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk. I have read: Healing Trauma, by Peter Levine. I have taken a trauma-workshop. I have taken these workshops:
I have asked friends for help:
I have asked my family for help:
I have paid for professional therapy as follows:
I have done these other things:
What has helped you the most?
Have you experienced additional trauma, abandonment/shame as a result of trying to get help alone?
What are your goals in coming forward?
Upload a face-shot (Optional).
Would you like to be a part of a lawsuit by Dane Rose to insure either the end of HAI or that best practices are adopted including licensed trauma therapists being on the board of directors to increase the oversight and ethics of the organization?
Would you be willing to give evidence to a Jury about your experience?
Anything else you want to add to clear up an area you feel misunderstood, invisible, unknown or just want to say:
I grant permission to share this information for educational purposes and to help other trauma and abuse survivors:

In the book I have almost finished about trauma that features HAI. In the documentaries that I make about these experiences. In the court-room.
In public presentations of the data (for example in the documentary) do you want to use:

Your real full name. Your first name only. Another name.
According to the data provided in Bessel Van Der Kolks books and research on trauma, the American public is not ready to face it's own shadow. Consequently the majority of the American public will not take active healthy action to protect trauma abuse, or abuse survivors, and in some cases, at times in response to their guilt about their insensitivity, they will shame/blame an abuse survivor rather than admit that an abuse-survivor is not at fault and needs help. This is reflected in the HAI community, where several people took time to criticize me for one thing or another but did not offer any validation or support for obvious, shameful and illegal activity on the part of people who get paid to teach others about healthy relationships. I mention this because while it seems that people farther removed from the issue (who do not feel guilt or discomfort) are more empathic (I got more help from strangers in Thailand than I did from a single friend, facilitator or anyone in the HAI community). I want you to understand the dynamics of our culture and that this cruel and stupid behavior is not personal to you. If you do a TED talk about abuse or are in a documentary with a licensed trauma therapist validating things and most importantly if you are "fixed," rather than seeming to need something from the audience, then you will be treated much better in a country that hates need and punishes the needy, including our children, for bringing us face to face with our inadequacies as a culture. While More's law sees the doubling of speed and halving of costs of the microchip every few years, trauma literacy, childhood abuse and emotional dignity remains in the stone ages for a country that does not teach a single hour of healthy emotional awareness in it's entire "educations system." This is the level of stupidity you and the 25% of Americans who have participated in one side or other of the sexual abuse wound face. And it's not about you. Unfortunately, as an abuse survivor, you will feel the pain of this stupidity most acutely.
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