• A staggering statistic has emerged in my efforts to educate the team and ask for support from both team and the participants in my workshops:

    1) While not a single team-member responded to my e-mail offering help or with an interest in facilitating change at HAI, one team-member wrote back sharing her story of PTSD from her time on team.
    2) While not a single participant wrote expressing an interest in challenging HAI to be safer or offering support, a psychotherapist called me asking to tell her story of losing her capacity to professionally help abused children as a result of her time with HAI. She lost her ability to work, help others and was in so much grief years later that she burst into tears while leaving me a first phone message.

    I suspect, given the unprecedented steps that the facilitator body and board have taken to cut off my e-mail accounts, ask me to keep this secret, ask me to sign a contract keeping this secret and suing me to shut this website down through a European court (that is "into-me-you-see" for you), that this is scratching the surface of the amount of pain, grief, trauma and betrayal of the team and participants associated with HAI. The reason this is important to protest is because at some point in the denial process willful ignorance becomes criminal negligence and a committed pattern of abuse in which victims are silenced to avoid changing the power-structure and protocols that directly correlate to the abuse.

    If you want to be heard, if you want to participate in pursuit of a goal in which HAI adopts best ethical protocols or shuts down to avoid hurting more people, you can do so here. Please be aware that I am making a documentary about sexual abuse in America, traumatic abuse and therapeutic abuse and ignorance. All information gathered in my process of bringing these patterns to light will be featured in the documentary, though I am happy to work with you to avoid unnecessary exposure, given our culture's pattern of shaming/blaming abuse survivors to off-set our cultural shame and guilt for failing to respond, decade after decade, to a problem that affects 25% of Americans who are participants in sexual abuse in a culture that shame's them with taboos of silence and invisibility.

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  • What kind of support do you believe would most help you get back to a healthy-set point where you understand that it is not and was not your fault, feel kind towards yourself for stepping forward to help others, and are able to function in daily life:

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  • According to the data provided in Bessel Van Der Kolks books and research on trauma, the American public is not ready to face it's own shadow. Consequently the majority of the American public will not take active healthy action to protect trauma abuse, or abuse survivors, and in some cases, at times in response to their guilt about their insensitivity, they will shame/blame an abuse survivor rather than admit that an abuse-survivor is not at fault and needs help. This is reflected in the HAI community, where several people took time to criticize me for one thing or another but did not offer any validation or support for obvious, shameful and illegal activity on the part of people who get paid to teach others about healthy relationships. I mention this because while it seems that people farther removed from the issue (who do not feel guilt or discomfort) are more empathic (I got more help from strangers in Thailand than I did from a single friend, facilitator or anyone in the HAI community). I want you to understand the dynamics of our culture and that this cruel and stupid behavior is not personal to you. If you do a TED talk about abuse or are in a documentary with a licensed trauma therapist validating things and most importantly if you are "fixed," rather than seeming to need something from the audience, then you will be treated much better in a country that hates need and punishes the needy, including our children, for bringing us face to face with our inadequacies as a culture. While More's law sees the doubling of speed and halving of costs of the microchip every few years, trauma literacy, childhood abuse and emotional dignity remains in the stone ages for a country that does not teach a single hour of healthy emotional awareness in it's entire "educations system." This is the level of stupidity you and the 25% of Americans who have participated in one side or other of the sexual abuse wound face. And it's not about you. Unfortunately, as an abuse survivor, you will feel the pain of this stupidity most acutely.

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